When you get married, you begin to discover there are a lot of things no one told you—but should have. There are some things—a lot of them—told to you that are just wrong.
For instance, how many of us heard a good marriage is 50-50?
That’s absolute bunk!
A good marriage is never 50-50. A good marriage is always 100-100. That is, the husband is giving everything he has, and the wife is giving everything she has —100+100. Anything less isn’t enough.
Now, here’s the second part you’re never told. You always have to come up with 200%. This means, sometimes, the husband has to give 130% because the wife can only give 70%. Other times, the husband will only give 50% and the wife will have to give the rest.
Jeannie is a great mother and with twin boys, being a mother demanded all of her attention and energy. Some days, she had very little left over for me. It was up to me to carry the marriage. I gave more to the marriage than she did.
Recently, when my father passed away, I was a very good son and I had to take care of things for my family. That, of course, meant I didn’t have a lot left over for Jeannie. It was her turn to carry the marriage.
Throughout your life together, there will be a constant ebb and flow of energy in your marriage. The important thing is to be aware of where your energy and focus is in the moment. Then, be honest with each other about where you are and remember— sooner or later—everyone gets a turn.
So, be sure to give as well as you expect to get.
Homework:
- Talk to your spouse.
- Where is your energy at right now?
- Your focus?
- Whose turn is it in the marriage?
