Sharing in someone else’s happiness is not always easy, especially when you are struggling with difficult moments in your own life. For several months after my 18-year marriage ended, I despised looking at commercials or advertisements about marriages, engagements, Valentine’s Day, and anniversaries. I either cried or became angry with anyone who sat near me. You could forget about me being sincere when I liked a person’s post or when I congratulated them on special occasions.
I cringed when someone discussed romantic moments with his or her significant other, when I received an invite to a wedding, or just when seeing happy couples together. I became bitter, resentful, and antisocial, not because I was jealous or envious but because it reminded me of what I no longer had: a mate. I wasn’t married anymore. I had no one to hold me. Lonely nights turned into miserable days of watching other people and the happiness they had.
Then I realized that all of my hurtful feelings blinded me from the greatest joys in my life: my children. My children are the best gifts I have ever received, and as I began to refocus my attention on them, my perspective began to change. I found joy watching them continue to excel and defy odds as God’s grace and mercy kept us from becoming statistics of today’s society. Divorce did not only affect me, it affected them also. My children just handled the divorce better than I did. And from observing them, I was reminded of God’s promises.
And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:7 ESV)
The peace of God is what keeps me stable; it keeps me sane. I’ve learnt that it’s okay to cry and be sad. We just can’t stay there. There are countless days I have had to sit down and cry out to God. And even though I was sick and tired of always crying, and wanted so desperately for God to bring me through this story, I didn’t want Him to take me out too soon. I needed to go through this storm to develop a closer relationship with Him.
Situations we face in life may sometimes seem as if they are sucking the life out of us. We may even think that we have reached the limit of what we can handle on our own. But the truth is that:
God would never give us more or place us in anything He did not already prepare us for.
Surviving the pain and dependency of a divorce is tough. There are many things I had to release and let God handle on my behalf. Surviving divorce is still an ongoing process for me. I have good days and I have bad days, but I still talk with God throughout each and every day. Seeing people happy doesn’t make me sad anymore, but it gives me hope that when I am spiritually and emotionally ready that God will fill that void in my life. I have to allow Him to complete His work in me while I get reacquainted and fall in love with the person He created me to be. The trials and tribulations we face in life may be hard, but it’s doable.
By Talona Smith
