I’ve spent the last year detoxing from an intensive 30-year career. I’m taking the time to heal before I pursue a second half with more meaning, joy and impact.
A few years before I left corporate life, my Halftime coach told me that I was not likely thinking clearly and that I should anticipate a detox process as I transitioned. Now I understand what he was talking about. There were some heart issues that I could not see. I want to encourage you to explore these even before they are visible to you. Here are four issues I have been detoxing from:
- Being driven vs. called – several years ago my wife told me that I had become a workaholic. I didn’t believe it until she recounted my life over the past few years: one-hundred days a year of travel, running our division in Japan, 5:00am meetings, weekend work, serving on the Elder Board in my church, and yet I was joyless, anxious and driven. I could not see what was driving me. Why do I work so hard and sacrifice so much? Past emotional pain, family of origin issues, especially in relation to our earthly fathers, can create controlling drives. In a 24/7 demanding professional life, rarely do we have the emotional energy or skill to deal with these. This inner drive controlled me, but success did not satisfy it – in fact, it left me drained and vulnerable.
- My addiction to performance – my initial response to reading the Halftime book and attending a Halftime Institute event was excitement at the prospect of doing something ‘big’ for God. I thought I could take my talent, drive and business experience into the non-profit world, working with the same driven style and gain greater peace and soul satisfaction. Without recalibrating my need to perform, I risk just trading currency – money for significance. Competing and winning can be a good thing, but it was robbing me of inner peace and joy, knowing that God loves me just for being me. I thought God needed me, but I am discovering that instead he wants my heart and an intimacy that I didn’t think was possible.
- A shrinking heart – I distinctly remember winning a big account and feeling nothing. No up, no down, just dead. I would walk in nature that used to make me feel euphoria at God’s beauty, but now I felt nothing. I had no passion for anything except escape. I didn’t’ have the time or emotional bandwidth to slow down long enough to understand what was going on inside.
- Putting my health at risk – I have never been overweight, but stress caught up with me. When I did take vacations, I found it easier to stay connected to the office every day, take calls from work and stay up on my email. I never really let down for 10 years. I knew deep down inside, that it was slowly destroying my physical health. I experienced repeated bouts of flu-like symptoms and depression that were triggered by stressful events. I was living on adrenaline and didn’t know how to stop. Today my body is slowly rebounding after many months of good counsel, prayer and rest.
So how did I get here? I couldn’t see how much all my winning was costing me. I honestly didn’t believe I could take enough time off from the daily grind to do an emotional and spiritual inventory. That would have to wait ‘till I retired. But you can stop and take stock – and you must!
The good news is that God is eager to heal and restore you to the real you – if you will intentionally take the time.
Written by: Rod Stewart, Certified Halftime Coach
