How do you rebuild your self worth when you’ve lost it, or worse, when you never had it in the first place? This was a question a young man asked me after a recent speaking engagement. I told the young man there were two (2) things I would do (and have done):
1) Find out the root of WHY you’re feeling so worthless.
Usually, our feelings of unworthiness, or what the world likes to call “low self esteem,” is typically rooted in our relationships, starting with the parents who reared us. Our parents, especially our fathers, represent the god-head to us. Our parents reflect God’s love and His wrath, His blessings and His discipline, His grace and His law, His mercy and His judgment. How we view our parents treatment of us often dictates how we see ourselves, as well as how we view God and His feelings toward us. That’s why it’s so critical for us, as men, not to “MIS-represent” God to our family, especially our children.
Other relationships impacting our self-worth can be our interactions with our siblings, our friends, our colleagues, strangers, and even our critics. Usually these people either validate or cause us to question what our parents have taught us about ourselves. Which leads to the second thing I would do (and have done).
2) Ask yourself, “WHY are you depending on THAT (relationship) for your self worth?”
Self worth can be viewed somewhat like a math formula that goes like this:
The PEOPLE whose opinion we value most + THEIR thoughts and actions towards us = OUR THOUGHTS and FEELINGS about ourselves (i.e., self worth).
The Bible tells us, “As a man thinketh, so is he.” And human psychology has also found this to be true as well. Behavior specialists have learned that our THOUGHTS dictate our FEELINGS, and how we feel (about ourselves and others) determines our ACTIONS (behavior); and ultimately how we act dictates the RESULTS we produce (i.e., confidence, cockiness, worthlessness, humility, courage, fear, etc.).
After reading Psalms 62 this morning, God confirmed in my spirit my response to the young man. The truth of the matter is, we, as Christian men, must always examine the roots of our identity. We should only seek our identity and self-worth in God through His Son, Jesus Christ. The attitudes and feelings of our parents, spouse, friends, siblings, colleagues, critics, and even strangers may change, but God’s feelings toward us never does. He’s the same today as He was yesterday and will be tomorrow. He never breaks a promise, never abandons us, and will never forsake us.
Seeking our identity in anything other than Jesus Christ, whether it be in our status, income, possessions, position, reputation, achievement, or even people, will inevitably prove to be fruitless and a vain pursuit. The Bible says in John 15:5, “I am the vine, and you are the branches. If you stay joined to me, and I stay joined to you, then you will produce lots of fruit. But you cannot do anything without me.”
And who does God say you are? He reminds us in His Word, that we’re fearfully and wonderfully made; we are new creations in Christ Jesus; we’re more than conquerors through Jesus Christ; we are the righteousness of Jesus Christ; we’re the head, not the tail; we’re made in God’s own image, and hundreds of other “accurate” declarations about who we are and how He sees us.
The only question left is: “Are you going to believe what you feel, what others think, or what God says about you?”
MY PRAYER: God, thank you for being my rock, my strong tower, my unshakable foundation, and my strength. May I only seek my identity and my security in you through Christ Jesus. Even when I feel unworthy of Your love, I know I’m not worthless, because you sent your only Son to die for me. So remind me every day of who I am, in Christ, but more importantly, always remind me of who You are.
Your Study Chapter: Psalms 62
