You know those times when you see your child deeply struggling and in pain, and you would do almost anything to take that pain on yourself? But instead you can only support them through it? When they sob, all you can do is hug them tight and pray. When they feel buried under the weight of challenges most adults will never face, you tell them that God is with them in the dark places. When they step out in courage to try and try and try again … and still fall far short … you reassure them that God will use these trials to strengthen them in ways we can’t yet comprehend. And yet even as you show your child how to stand in faith, your own fear sometimes breaks through. You fight panic. Your heart aches.
You know that feeling of praying with everything that is in you for God to take this trial from your precious child?
That’s where Jeff and I are now.
And after dealing with our situation for months on our own, talking about it with only our close family, friends, and prayer team, I realized: you are our family, too. We’ve shared time with many of you at events, conferences and worship services. Many of you have read our books and shared them with others. You’ve invited us into some of the most intimate places of your lives. So we wanted to invite you into ours.
I thought you would want to know what is going on; that you would want to know how to pray for us.
As some of you know, we discovered two years ago that our son (now 13 years old) has epilepsy. And although his seizures are thankfully under control, we learned last year that he has uncontrolled brain “spikes” every few seconds. This abnormal electrical activity is not seizure activity, but that technicality doesn’t really matter: Having hundreds of spikes per hour appears to be dramatically impacting his working memory and ability to process things in a normal way. It has hindered his ability to comprehend what he reads or hears in the way he used to.
We know so many families deal with so much worse. But watching our hard-working, desiring-to-please, straight-A son suddenly struggle with his brain betraying him (the official diagnosis is a “cognitive communication deficit”) has been very hard. Especially in those moments when his great attitude cracks, his happy-go-lucky mask falls away, and he breaks down.
This summer, within a week of getting that diagnosis, we stepped out in faith to get him into a type of highly-recommended, intensive, daily language therapy that was brand-new to us. “In faith” because we had tried many things that didn’t work very well, and had no idea whether this would help much more. “In faith” because he has so much courage and is willing to work hard, but there is only so much discouragement a person can take if he tried and tried and it didn’t work well. “In faith” because it costs $30,000 a year, which might as well be the moon to us. And “in faith” because so far our health insurance is not willing to pay for much of it.
Within a month, we had seen our son’s reading comprehension grow by leaps and bounds. We saw the light in his eyes as he animatedly explained – with perfect clarity – something he read or learned. Some wonderfully loving family members stepped in to help. And we opened our mail one day and out fell a $3,000 check from a caring couple who we don’t even know that well, who simply felt led to help with our medical expenses.
God was telling us: I’ve got this.
I remind myself of that in the dark moments when fear tries to take hold. What about his future? What about our finances? How will we pay for these medical expenses and still pay our staff salaries? Will this spark of hope grow, or will the many real challenges bring us crashing down again? Will he be able to go to college and fulfill his dream of being an engineer and inventing the Star Trek teleporter? Is there a path of healing for his brain?
In those moments, I remind myself of what I know: God is good. He’s got this.
I look at our son, and see a kid who the professionals expected to be dealing with clinical levels of depression or anxiety. Instead, I see a good kid with a great attitude, and a simple but deep trust in God. He trusts that God has got this.
I know that God has this.
But I also know: we sure appreciate your prayers. Prayers for our son’s healing, for the insurance company to agree to cover his treatment, for miraculous provision of the large costs that arise even if insurance covers it, and for us to honor God through it all.
