All loving parents want the best for their children. But, the journey to and through parenthood is varied, with myths to dispel, patterns to be aware of, and resources to help.
Parents rejoice to see their kids thrive, grow, and learn; they grieve when their children are hurting. Yet, not all parents arrive at parenthood in the same ways; some become “mom” and “dad” through a biological birth, while others become parents through the joy of adoption.
Parents adopt for a variety of reasons, including, a biblical calling to care for orphans, an alternative way to grow their family, to help a specific child, or infertility. However, the end result is always the same—parenthood.
It’s important to note that there are some myths and misconceptions that may come along with the blessing of adoption. One myth states that no one can love a child like the birth mother or birth father. This is a commonly held misconception by expectant parents who believe that no one can love their child like they can. This, however, is not true simply because love doesn’t rely on blood relation. It’s a matter of unconditional love, acceptance and consistent nurturing; a consistent sacrificial attitude of putting the child first. Adoptive parents love their children as much as if they had given birth to them, and the adoption aspect only signifies a difference in how a family began—but not a difference in the ability to love.
Another myth commonly held by expectant mothers is that a child doesn’t really need a father. Studies show that children benefit from having two positive, nurturing parents who provide both male and female role models. Big factors like relationships, self-esteem, and achievement can all be positively affected when a child grows up in a loving home where both parents contribute to the child’s development.
Parenting an adopted child can also include some challenges. It’s important to recognize them and find the resources available to address these issues. Some new adoptive parents may experience post-adoption depression syndrome (also known as PADS), attachment or identity issues, feelings of incapability, or problems related to open adoption, international adoption/cultural issues, or past abuse or neglect. This is all very common, and we want families to know that there is help available.
Adoptive parents may find it helpful to connect with parents who experienced similar situations, identify with their child’s birth culture, or find an adoption-competent therapist.
