I hate to admit how often I have been tempted to say, “Peace out and good riddance,” when challenges arise in relationships. I know, I know, not very “Christian” of me but from strangers to acquaintances, friendships to family relationships; Relationships can be so hard.
Can we be real for a few minutes? I am pretty sure if I posed the question, “how many of you have had, or are currently having, a hard time with a relationship?” Every single one of you would probably shoot up one or maybe both hands. Isn’t it so hard to choose to do the hard work in relationships to make them last? If I can be even more vulnerable with you for a minute, I confess I have several names and situations circled on my mirror right now that could use a whole lot of Jesus and guidance as I feel at a complete loss with how to navigate them.
Every day, sometimes every minute, I go from speaking out of wanting to control the situation and trying to figure out how to make peace my way to handing the relationship and situation back to the hands of the one who set the standard for what relationships should look like. It’s human nature and just “easier” to let emotions run rampant when it comes to relationships. The downfall is that we end up reacting to those rather than consulting God and His word on how to get what our souls really yearn for in our relationships which is healthy, genuine, reciprocated, safe, respectful, and honoring relationships. I believe we all genuinely want to see the people we encounter succeed and feel understood, but we go about our relationships with no guidance or intentionality to see that through. This can ultimately lead us to a defeated, hopeless, and mediocre attitude towards the relationships that we care about most.
If that is where you find yourself today, I am right in that tug-of-war of emotions with you. As I wake up each morning, I do my best to pray over each of those relationships and ask God how to navigate each one. I have found that the Apostle Paul gives us a blueprint of how relationships are transformed in Romans 12. Here are ten ways to transform a relationship the way God intended:
1. Always be sincere and put action on your love.
Let the inner movement of your heart always be to love one another, and never play the role of an actor wearing a mask. - Romans 12:9
2. Outdo the other person in respect and honor.
Try to outdo yourselves in respect and honor of one another. - Romans 12:10
3. Keep a close relationship with the Lord.
Be enthusiastic to serve the Lord, keeping your passion toward him boiling hot! Radiate with the glow of the Holy Spirit and let him fill you with excitement as you serve him. - Romans 12:11
4. Don’t give up on people when things get hard.
Let this hope burst forth within you, releasing a continual joy. Don’t give up in a time of trouble, but commune with God at all times. - Romans 12:12
5. Take an interest in their interests.
Take a constant interest in the needs of God’s beloved people and respond by helping them. And eagerly welcome people as guests into your home. - Romans 12:13
6. Watch your words. Speak blessings over them.
Speak blessing, not cursing, over those who reject and persecute you. - Romans 12:14
7. Take notice of what is happening in their lives. Celebrate their wins with them and grieve with them through losses. Show them compassion.
Celebrate with those who celebrate, and weep with those who grieve. - Romans 12:15
8. Value them for their worth in God’s eyes, not just the value they bring from their actions.
Live happily together in a spirit of harmony, and be as mindful of another’s worth as you are your own. Don’t live with a lofty mind-set, thinking you are too important to serve others, but be willing to do menial tasks and identify with those who are humble minded. Don’t be smug or even think for a moment that you know it all. - Romans 12:16
9. Think of others before yourself daily. Live at peace with everyone.
Never hold a grudge or try to get even, but plan your life around the noblest way to benefit others. Do your best to live as everybody’s friend. – Romans 12:17-18
10. Be kind and generous.
Beloved, don’t be obsessed with taking revenge, but leave that to God’s righteous justice. For the Scriptures say: “Vengeance is mine, and I will repay,” says the Lord. And: If your enemy is hungry, buy him lunch! Win him over with kindness. For your surprising generosity will awaken his conscience, and God will reward you with favor.
Never let evil defeat you, but defeat evil with good. – Romans 12:19-21
As we go about our week, I would like to challenge you to join me in starting each day with a simple but intentional prayer over every relationship or situation you may be facing. Something like this:
God, thank you for (insert name). Bless them. I realize that you are God in (insert situation) and there is no one better to handle it. I leave them/it in your hands today. Help me love them. Amen.
