I can’t tell you how many times wives have complained to me that their husbands don’t talk to them.
“I’ll ask about his day, and he’ll just grunt back, ‘Fine,’” she says. “I’ll ask how he’s feeling and he’ll grunt, ‘Fine.’ No matter what I do, he won’t talk to me. I have no idea how he’s feeling. He just doesn’t talk to me.”
No, he doesn’t. But you’re not alone. Most men don’t talk. If they do, they’ve mastered the skill of using a lot of words to say nothing at all.
Have you ever listened to the politicians on television or a sports star interviewed after a game? They’ll talk a lot, but they won’t say anything.
Why? Because as men, we learn early that whatever you say can and will be used against you. So, we learned not to say anything at all.
If you want your husband to talk to you—really talk to you—then you’ll need to earn his trust for him to share what’s going on inside.
How? Create space where it’s just the two of you in a quiet setting. No television, no cell phones, just the two of you. Then wait. In time, he’ll tell you something.
Now, he won’t start at the deepest place in his soul. He’ll share something that you’ll think is stupid, but it won’t be stupid to him.
Listen. Ask him why that story is important. And listen. Tell him you like getting to know him at deeper levels because it makes you love him more.
Then, wait. It may be a few days or a few weeks before he shares anymore, but he will.
Now, here’s the most important part. NEVER, EVER, EVER share with ANYONE what your husband talks to you about. Don’t share it with your best friend. Don’t tell your prayer group. Breaking his trust is devastating and hard to overcome.
I don’t know if most wives understand their husbands go through their days with no safe place in their lives. That’s why your marriage has to be your husband’s sanctuary.
In medieval times, churches were considered sanctuaries. Regardless of your crime, you could go to a church and no one could harm you—not even the law.
Everyone needs a place to unpack their junk. A quiet, safe place to unpack his life is one of the best gifts a wife can give her husband.
