Dear Greg,
I really want to help my spouse and kids thrive, but I also know how quickly and easily my good intentions can fall by the wayside if I don’t have a definite plan. Can you suggest some practical strategies that will help me achieve my goal?
Answer:
I’m glad you asked. In this instance, the pathway to success may be a lot easier and more obvious than you suppose.
One of the most important things that can be said about a thriving family is that it is made up of thriving individuals. A household can only be as strong as its component parts—namely, husband, wife, and kids. Healthy relationships emerge when healthy individuals come together in a healthy, positive way. So if you want to take care of your family, start by taking care of yourself. Accept the idea that appropriate self-care and self-improvement form the foundation on which strong connections with others are built.
Remember, too, that thriving families take shape around the core of thriving marriages. And one of the best ways a couple can strengthen their relationship with one another is to work on preserving their individuality in every area of life – spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically. That’s because marriage consists in the committed union of two distinct lives and personalities. This union is a blending, not a cloning. It’s a partnership in which sharply defined differences come together and complement one another as pieces of a puzzle and parts of a whole. These differences should be affirmed and enhanced. Without them, no marriage can become what it is meant to be.
This is important, because happy, healthy spouses make good moms and dads. As husbands and wives work on maintaining their uniqueness as persons created in the image of God, one of the results is that they become the kind of parents who enable their children to grow into confident and healthy individuals. Parents who know who they are and where they’re going naturally encourage every other member of the family to make the same discoveries. They motivate kids to search out and follow their own paths and to develop their special God-given interests and talents. By celebrating personal differences within the family, and by teaching boundaries that respect the thoughts, feelings, and space of others, they create a home environment in which every child is free to become the person he or she was created to be.
How can you help your family thrive this year? Here are a couple of simple strategies. First, become a healthy individual yourself. Then share your health and wholeness with your spouse. How about setting aside a date night once a month just to have fun and affirm your relationship? And for your family, try to commit to having dinner together four or five times a week. Keep the electronics away from the table and concentrate on communication. Let each person know they’re valued, and their contributions to the discussion matter.
Good marriages and thriving families are gifts that will keep on giving – not only throughout your lifetime, but for generations to come.
