Question
What do I do when my friend is having a secret affair and believe that they are meant to leave their spouse and be with their new person? They even believe that God has blessed them with a gift of finally falling in love. What do I do? Clearly they are confused. How do I help?
Answer
We cannot change anyone but ourselves; we can only influence. The only advice I have for you is to be the voice of reason and to love them through this. They must know the following:
1.) God is interested in their current marriage and will not bless them just moving on.
2.) Just because this other person is awesome doesn’t mean that they need to be with them.
3.) Starting a relationship like this is a terrible foundation to start from and will likely sink the next relationship. If their current marriage is really going to dissolve, they need time alone to heal and re-rack, for a long time before they consider another relationship. So, either way this one is off the table.
4.) They are fantasizing this new person. Honestly all relationships are pretty much the same, a blessing but hard work, this will be no different.
5.) Although we don’t blame them for being tempted, that doesn’t mean it’s a good idea.
6.) This choice will impact everything and if possible remind them what they will lose (respect of their kids if they have any, family life, house, support, community, etc.) will be far too much to pay for what they believe they will gain (a fun partner, some loving feelings for a year or so, etc.).
7.) You don’t support them leaving the marriage but it won’t change your love for them. However, it will change your relationship with them over time.
8.) If their spouse doesn’t know about this, they deserve a chance to know what they’re up against.
