The first year I was married I burned almost everything I cooked. I threw fits over issues that seem trivial now. I had no idea how to run a home, share my space with someone, and have intimate communication with someone who thought and acted so differently from me. Eleven years later I still struggle sometimes with how to be the kind of wife that God asks me to be in His Word.
My first year of motherhood is a version of the same story. I was a total spaz! I didn't know what I should or should not be doing with my own baby. I read every book and Googled more than anyone ever should, and I didn't know how to listen to my own instincts.
During both seasons I was knocked off-kilter by the realization that being a wife and mother was something I didn't automatically know how to do.
But then I found this verse and discovered the secret I'd been missing.
[Older women] are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled (Titus 2:3–5).
Bingo! If loving our husbands and children, working at home, and submitting to authority in marriage are abilities that we should be taught, that means that they aren't inherently known. I wasn't a bad wife because I could barely boil water or a bad mom because I could hardly change a diaper. If you don't have wifedom and motherhood all figured out yet, that doesn't mean you're not cut out for that path. When it comes to these vital roles, we all need great teachers. The Bible tells us that those teachers should be other Christian women.
I would guess that as a whole, many of you want to be married some day and most of you are at least open to the possibility of becoming moms. That in itself makes you counter-cultural. Did you know that:
Most of the girls we interviewed for Lies Young Women Believe told us that being a wife and mom is not as important to them as having a meaningful career outside the home.
Half of teen girls accept out of wedlock childbearing as a "worthwhile lifestyle," at least for others.
Living together (a.k.a. co-habitation) is more and more accepted by girls in your demographic. Most teenagers report that it is better to live with someone before you get married.
As a young Christian woman, these statistics could discourage you. You might feel like you're the only one who desires to be a good wife and mother. That isn't true. I meet young women everywhere who are willing to swim upstream and stand up for these important roles.
Instead of throwing up your hands because marriage is in decline or buying the lie that marriage and motherhood aren't worth the effort, I hope you will be inspired to do what the Bible says and to find ways to learn how to be a godly wife and mother. Sure, there are plenty of great books to help you (ahem, may I recommend Lies Young Women Believe!), but the Bible encourages you to seek out "older women" who are willing to use the Bible to teach you how to love your future family well and to be happy and busy at home. That's why I want you to make it a point to seek out a Christian mentor as part of our Truth Boot Camp.
Resolution: I will seek out a mentor who is a great wife and mother this year.
I hope you already have people in your life who mentor and teach you about God's Word, including a youth pastor, Christian parents, or Bible study teachers. That's great! But I want to ask you to intentionally seek to find a woman who can show what it looks like to be a wife and mom and who lives what she finds in God's Word (even if she doesn't do it perfectly).
