“What are you speaking on?”
I had been asked that question several times, but as I stood across from a male staff member at a large college conference, I could feel my cheeks turning red.
“Pornography,” I said quietly, with my eyes shifted off to the side.
His eyes got wide, and he sat back in his chair. There was a familiar moment of awkward silence. “Oh really? Wow . . . that’s usually a guy’s topic.”
“I know.”
Minutes later, I walked into a room full of young women and shared my story. I had grown up in a conservative, devout Christian home, attended a Baptist church, was the perfect student, perfect daughter, active in youth group, and addicted to porn. I had searched for help but couldn’t find anything for women. Everything was for men.
I wondered, Am I alone?
I felt so much shame, fear, and this strong desire to break free. I tried everything I could think of, from burning pictures to physically harming myself. I wanted to stop. I was tired of being fake, tired of lying, tired of making everybody happy, tired of being afraid of people finding out. At the same time, I was so terrified that I might be alone. I was convinced that, somehow, I was the only girl in the world who had gotten herself into this mess. I couldn’t stop thinking, What was wrong with me?
You Are Not Alone
Even after finally getting help and walking in freedom, I thought I was alone. That day, speaking at a conference in Canada, I realized I wasn’t. I had never been.
Surveys put the number of Christian girls who struggle with porn somewhere around 10–20 percent. That means for every ten of you reading this post right now, at least one and maybe two struggle with pornography.
If you’re one of those girls, please know this:
You are not alone.
It is astonishing that for however many women struggle with pornography, almost all of the girls and women who contact me believe they are alone. It’s something so commonly discussed among men, but rarely, if ever, mentioned among women. Just because we don’t talk about it doesn’t mean we don’t struggle.
And . . . you are not beyond grace.
One of the most hopeful things to me while reading about Jesus’ time on earth is seeing the women He interacted with. Sometimes women may feel dirty or completely unable to be loved by God because they struggle with sexual sins. Yet when you read of the women Jesus encountered in the Gospels, a vast majority are sexual sinners. What you have done or are doing is not beyond the reach of the grace of the love of Christ. You have not sinned beyond the cross.
God loves you.
A Toxic Lie
The most dangerous and toxic lie you can believe is that God no longer loves you. You might imagine that God is looking at you with abhorrence, turning His ear from your prayers, and turning His back on you entirely. You feel you’ve let Him down. You’ll stop reading your Bible because you don’t see the point. You’ll stop going to church because you feel like a hypocrite. You think there is no way God wants anything to do with you.
This isn’t the gospel or the reality of grace. In Romans 5:8 it says,”but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
God’s love for you is not contingent upon your success in overcoming your struggles. He loves you enough to die for you and longs to help you fight this battle. Quit believing you have to earn His love by breaking free on your own.
He has come to set captives free and to break the power of sin in your life, but that can’t happen if you are pushing Him away. He longs to heal any wounds and give you an abundant life.
Quit believing that you are beyond His reach. There is hope for you, hope that you can have victory over your struggle, find healing, and live a life renewed by grace.
By Guest Blogger
