As my Radical Mentoring group moved to the topic of marriage, I wanted to give the guys a memory jogger. A way to remember to respond to their wives better. A catchy phrase . . . some edgy little ditty like you put on a wrist band. I thought back to “WWJD” . . . “What would Jesus do?” I could probably still find those at the Dollar Store. But Jesus wasn’t married.
Then I remembered this one, “In light of my past experience, my present circumstances, and my future hopes and dreams, what is the wise thing to do?” Awesome. All-encompassing. But too long for a wristband. This needs to be pointed, poignant and powerful.
So I’m listening to the sermon last Sunday and there it is . . .
“What does Love require of me – right now?”
I added the "right now" because we have to be quick. We bless or curse our wives in an instant. A scowl curses. A smile blesses. A cynical remark curses. A squeeze of the hand, a touch on the shoulder . . . blessings.
Think about all those moments in your marriage. Flashpoints. Those times when something’s said, something’s not done. When you feel a little criticized, a little let-down, a little taken-for-granted. How will you respond?
Her – “Oh honey, I forgot to mail that package for you.”
Him – (In his mind) “WHAT? That’s the purchase order for the biggest sale I’ve made all year! How could you just forget the one thing I asked you to do for me today???"
“What does Love require of me – right now?”
Forgiveness. Kindness. Self-control.
Her – “I’m going on to sleep now. We’ve got a big day with the kids tomorrow!’
Him – (In his mind) “This was date night. This is when we’re supposed to have ‘our time’ and be intimate!”
“What does Love require of me – right now?”
Selflessness. Compassion. Acceptance. Patience.
This may be the most useful question ever for Jesus-followers. Since the Second Commandment is about loving one another and since all of life is experienced right now, tell me a better way of managing yourself? Of responding to your wife, your kids, the people at work, whomever.
“What does Love require of me – right now?”
Yes, we all know that “God is love.” But somehow using the word “love” in the question makes it more actionable. It’s quicker to know what to do than opening up all the theology attached to “God.”
And I like the word “require” too. It says, “Hey, this ain’t optional.” If I’m to be loving, right now, what’s required of me? Love may require something totally different longer term. I may have to change something in the relationship. I may have to exert “tough-love.” I may have to stand up to an issue or stand up for myself. Relational stuff requires thought and prayer, wise counsel and time. “What is the wise thing to do?” is a great question when you have time to think about the bigger picture. But in the moment, I haven’t found a better way of seeking and finding the Lord’s will than to ask . . .
“What does Love require of me – right now?”
Stop and ask this question before you react or respond. You’ll be amazed at how God speaks into your "will," giving you the right thing to say or do AND the courage to do it.
