Question
Dear Pastor Lance, I’m in a very dark place. I don’t want to be, but I am. I’m not necessarily suicidal, but if I was to stop living I wouldn’t mind. I can’t see any hope. My thoughts are always turning negative and I feel like nothing ever changes. Is life supposed to be this hard? I know that God loves me and that He’s real, but it doesn’t seem to be making a difference right now. I have voices in my mind that tell me to give up. I don’t feel good about myself. I don’t feel worthy of anyone else’s help. The only time I feel valuable is when I’m volunteering for the Lord. When I get home it’s so quiet and depressing. I know my thoughts aren’t accurate. Can you please help me with my mindset?
Answer
It was so wise to write to me and get a different perspective. Well done!!!
I’m so sorry you are hurting. Yes, the hurt is real, but the reasons for the hurt might not be. I don’t want to diminish your pain or say that it’s all in your head (there are real issues and real ramifications of those issues), but I do want to re-wire your thinking a bit.
Right off the bat we need to go back to an identity re-wrack:
Why are you here? What did God make you for? What’s your purpose? What’s life all about? – we know these answers. God made you for 2 primary reasons: 1.) to have relationship with Him; 2.) Glorify His name through you. Why are you on Earth and what’s your purpose? To live for the King and interact with Him. Are you doing that? Yes, I think you are.
Who does God say you are? - you are a child of the King. You are a ‘partaker of the Divine Nature’ (a piece of God). You are valuable because God says so and is using you for his glory and advancement of His kingdom, not because you are successful on earth or things are going well. You are adopted by God so it feels weird and doesn’t feel natural (like an adopted kid in a new family, eventually it feels more real but there is still a bit of a distance until their mind is fully renewed). You are precious to God and Jesus determined you were worth dying for. The fact that you are here means that God is still working with you. You are not a complete process, you are IN process. Cut yourself some slack, you are broken like the rest of us. Watch your expectations. Life is hard.
You go through the same things over and over because you are human and we are cyclical and we leak information. It would be awesome if we learned a truth and it stayed there, but it doesn’t. It fades and drips out on the ground. That’s why we need continual reminders until it becomes a part of us. Your emotions and mental condition wage war on reality, therefore we have to fight back.
Being alone and isolated is terrible for folks like us who struggle with our thoughts driving us into bad places. You need to be in some type of smaller group. You need people. The reason you feel better volunteering is that you feel like you are advancing the kingdom and that you are around people. We are atmospheric beings, control your atmosphere. We need worship music in the house. We need to reclaim that place as a God-place, a place of joy. We need to watch uplifting things with our eyes. We need to demand our thoughts back into the right areas.
Is life supposed to be hard? – yeah it kinda is, especially when we have noticeable wars going on in our hearts and minds. Other folks are blissfully unaware of how hard life is, we aren’t. We have it stare us in the face.
We need to continue to pursue God’s healing in our lives. We need to pray and get prayed for. We need to continue seeing our therapists so that we can renew our thoughts.
What are those voices inside your head telling you to take your life? I think you know very well they are not only the devil and his angels, but they are also your exhausted body wanting to give up. We need to manage the parts that we can. We need to take care of our bodies and do things that we are proud of. We need to pray for protection and against the enemy. We need to cling to hope and guard our hearts.
Bottom line is that you cannot allow your body and mind to just go where it wants to go (dark places). You must do different things and healthy things to give yourself a chance at joy. Giving up isn’t going to happen. You will win with the Lord!
Let me pray…
“Heavenly Father I lift up my sweet and wonderful friend, one of your children, _______. Lord, their body and the enemy are waging war on their spirit. Please defend them right now and shove back the enemy, renew their mind, guard their heart, align their chemicals and set them free. In Jesus name I command the enemy to back off! I plead the blood of Jesus Christ over their mind and body to be healed and renewed. Holy Spirit soothe and hold them close. Tell them Father what you think of them and let your voice drown out that of the world. You are glorious Father and Jesus you said that you told us things so that our ‘joy may be full.’ Your child needs some joy and a huge dose of hope. Lavish it on them Lord! Be praised in their healing.”
