These words were penned one quiet Saturday afternoon in the fall of 2009. I had drawn away to a well-loved beach on Lake Michigan to talk with the Lord. My heart was broken; a man that I cared deeply for had rejected me in a deeply personal and painful way. Anger, hurt, confusion, and an aching sadness filled my heart.
That day, God brought a peace and quietness to my heart in the truth that He did indeed love me. My identity was not in one man's rejection of me, but in One Man's acceptance of me. As much as my heart ached, I could rest in that truth.
My days were certainly full. I loved my job serving with Revive Our Hearts as a graphic designer and project coordinator, and had a terrific circle of friends and mentors. As time went on, my heart healed, but the longing for a family of my own never left.
In another part of Michigan that same fall, a young wife and mom received a terrifying diagnosis from her doctor. She called her husband through tears, “Dennis, it’s cancer. I don’t want to die.” Family and friends surrounded her in her seven-week battle against the deadly disease. In the end, the healing hoped and prayed for was realized in heaven. A young father and his four children were left, brokenhearted, yet trusting in the Lord.
Dennis told his children, “We have a choice here: we can get angry and bitter about what God has allowed in our lives, or we can choose gratitude and grace.” They chose grace, and started rebuilding their family and home without mom. Through it all, Dennis knew that God loved him and was holding him in the palm of His hand.
His nine-year-old girl said one night at bedtime, “Dad, I really need a mom.” Her dad agreed, “There are just some things a dad can’t do, aren’t there? We need to pray that God will start preparing someone’s heart to accept us, and for our hearts to be prepared to accept her.” So the family started praying for the woman that would become their new wife and mom.
Shortly after, almost on a dare from his coworkers one day at work, Dennis signed up for an online Christian dating service.
About the same time, I felt prompted to sign up for this Christian online dating service. Instead of feeling lonely, maybe God wanted me to step out in faith a little bit. Dennis and I crossed paths in the summer of 2010. When Dennis saw my profile, he knew there was something different about me. He started writing to me, and I wrote back.
Neither of us expected the genuine friendship that grew out of those first few rather awkward emails. But it did. I was impressed with his positive, faith-filled outlook on life, his leadership in his family, and his walk with God. I thought he had a terrific smile and a fantastic attitude about life. I think he thought I was pretty special, too!
This led to a whirlwind romance. We began seeing each other every weekend, and soon received our parents’ blessings. I met the children, and we hit it off right away. In just a few months, Dennis was sure I was the one for him. I, on the other hand, wasn’t convinced that soon.
That fall and winter that Dennis and I dated, my emotions were on a roller coaster ride! On one hand, I was quickly falling for this handsome, strong man. I loved him and his kids, and I could see God working miracles every weekend, drawing us all closer together. Every request I prayed in those months, God graciously answered nearly immediately; I saw God do what only He could in the new relationships.
But then there was this amazing work that I was a part of with Revive Our Hearts. I felt competent and affirmed there. Even though I was on missionary support, there was a level of security in the place where I was. Going from single, career gal to wife and mommy in one day was an idea that sent me into panic mode more than once!
I fought through intense seasons of fear, confusion, doubt, and worry. But God met me with sweet peace and reassurance. I sensed a stirring in my spirit that “now is the time” for God to do a new thing in my life, that there was a new season around the corner for me. God impressed Esther 4:14 on my heart, “If you don’t go to the king, perhaps deliverance will arise from somewhere else—but who knows whether you have been called to the kingdom for such a time as this?”
By the time January 2011 came around, I knew what my answer would be when Dennis asked me to marry him. There wasn’t any other answer! I knew I loved him; I knew God was leading us; I knew our parents had their blessing over us; I knew God had done too many miracles for me to doubt His providential hand over us. I knew Dennis and I were very different, but were committed to the Lord and each other, and would help each other grow. And I was excited about the future adventures God would have for us . . . together.
When I was sixteen, I prayed and dedicated my single years to the Lord to serve Him. In my youthful naivety, I specifically prayed that I would serve God in my single years “whether it be five years or fifteen years.” Nearly fifteen years to the day of that prayer, Dennis and I joyfully committed our lives to each other in a beautiful ceremony surrounded by our family and friends.
My only regret from my years of singleness is that I fretted too much, that I didn’t trust God enough. There were seasons of sadness and depression and hopelessness. Looking back, I think, “Why couldn't I simply trust the Lord? Look what He was preparing for me (and preparing me for), and I wasted all that time depressed and faithless.” The crucible of faith during my single years was God’s plan to purify in me a faith and a joy that are now my life-line as a wife and mom.
Are you in a season of fear, loneliness, depression, or hurt? Cling to Jesus. Remember to rejoice. Trust Him for the good times and the bad times. Be willing to step out in faith and courage. You never know what adventure God has around the corner for you!
This post was written by Laura Williams.
