Okay, maybe you did, but that’s beside the point. My point is this: a lot of us get married with the hope the person we’re marrying can “fix” us. We have difficult things in our lives that we’re trying to deal with, and we mistakenly feel like if we can get to the right person, they’ll make everything better. When we do this, we inadvertently set our spouses up for failure. However hard they may try, they won’t be able to do it, and when they fail, we’ll end up getting mad at them for not being able to fix what’s wrong.
The reality is they can’t fix us. Even if they wanted to, they can’t. It’s not a matter of not loving you enough. They simply don’t have the means to fix what’s wrong inside of you. Only you can do that.
What a loving spouse can do is give you a safe place to work through your stuff. They can create a sanctuary where you can express your anger and frustrations—where you can lay out your hurts one by one without the fear of having it used against you later. They can give you the space to be quiet for long periods of time and to cry for all that’s been lost. They can help you see a new way of hope and promise.
But they can’t fix it; you have to do your own soul work.
You didn’t marry a mechanic. You married a “soul mate”—someone who could walk with you when you face the scary things of life. Sometimes, the only thing you need to know is that you’re not in this thing all by yourself. So, stop putting unrealistic expectations on your spouse to do something they can’t do and celebrate the miracle of having someone love you—warts and all.
You’ll both be happier for it.
